I had a really good conversation recently with someone who'd I asked to sit down with me and help me get some things in my life organized. The further into running my own business I go, the more I am realizing where my strengths and weaknesses lay, and this has been transformative (It has also caused me to reach out and ask for help, something I am so not good at, especially when it means letting someone into the inner world of Shannon-May, but that's a story for another day!!).
One important thing I realized is that I am much more of a visionary and creative person than I am an administrative or organized person. I like to have plans, and I like to have things organized (I function so much better with a tidy desk, neat files and things compartmentalized) but organization is something that I have learned over the years through professional and personal experience. To my surprise and perhaps to the surprise of many who know me, these are not skills I think I come by naturally; I have acquired them through necessity and perhaps my desire to control things.
I have really been giving this revelation about myself a lot of thought lately and how my upside down view of my strengths and skill sets have permeated all aspects of my life. And when I was talking with this gentlemen the other day he made a comment that has stuck with me. He said "In many ways you are living in survival mode." Survival mode... say what?
No, not what. I know exactly what he means.
I have been journaling a lot lately (well a lot for me anyway) and reading back through what I have been longing for and seeking God's help with, resinates with what this man said. I have been living (comfortably) in survival mode in various areas of my life and in the depths of my heart I am aching for a different experience.
While I feel more alive in my life now than ever before I cannot help but be aware that there are things holding me back from being fully alive in ways that God envisions me to be and the ways I have dream about when my mind wonders away from the tasks at hand. The only way forward for me is to move into the uncomfortable realms beyond simply surviving. And I will do this with great expectation and faith!
Happy Thursday!
Love & Sunshine,
Shannon-May
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